Chapter 2, Page 1
(Partial excerpt)
"You may have hope, but not trust. It takes trust
to fall in love."...Bart A. Baggett
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Chapter 2.
Do You Really Want To Be In
Love?
Before you decide you want to find your perfect lover, ask
yourself what love is. There are probably a thousand different
definitions for the concept of love. It is important to know what
you are looking for so you will know when you've found it. Webster
defines love as a deep and tender feeling of affection for or
attachment or devotion to a person or persons. I define love in
a slightly different way:
Love is an electromagnetic bio-chemical bond.
As you can see from my definition, love is more than just a mental
bond between two individuals. Love is physical. Anyone who has
ever had a loved one leave or break up knows what I mean. Have
you ever had a wrenching pain in your gut caused from the emotional
pain of loss? That is the result of a very real chemical reaction
called emotion. It is the development of these strong emotions
that connect two people in the state of euphoria called love.
We know that a connection exists between people on a much more
physical level than just thought. The human body is much more
than flesh and bone. We are completely electrical in nature.
I once saw my doctor make a tiny light bulb work with just the
electricity from his fingers. If you aren't familiar with amazing
electrical aspects of our body, check out the Chinese art of Chi.
It is the foundation of acupuncture. Not only is the body
electrical, it is chemical. It contains thousands of different
chemicals that, among other things, create thoughts and emotions.
An experiment done on rabbits illustrates the powerful
electrochemical bond two animals have with each other. A
mother rabbit and two of her baby rabbits were used in the
experiment to discover what kind of bond existed between the
family members. The three animals were separated for about a
week. The mother rabbit was connected to heart monitors and blood
pressure gauges. Then, in front of the mother, one baby was killed.
In obvious distress the mother's body reacted with increased heart
rates and blood pressure. You can imagine how any animal, including
humans, would react to their baby being killed in their presence.
About a week later, the other baby was taken about a mile offshore
in a ship. The mother was again connected to the monitors. At a
specified time, the second baby rabbit was killed by the researchers.
At the same time, the mother rabbit's heart and blood pressure went
crazy. She had the same reaction as she did the week before. Her
body, emotions, and electric systems reacted as if she knew her
baby was in trouble. Obviously, she did.
Have you ever had similar blood pressure and heart increases when
you were either falling in love or losing a love? Falling in love
is a state we all yearn for while losing love is a state we dread.
Yes, there are risks involved in being in love. If love is some
kind of physical bond, it might be painful if the bond is broken.
I have had a few heartbreaks in my time. But now, as I look back,
I usually got over the pain in a short time. I remember a particularly
painful breakup after a nine month romance. I spent about a month
in the dumps. However, I realize now I had nine months of pleasure
that definitely outweighed the one month of pain. Some of you have
had a nine year, nine month, or nine minute romance that you still
haven't gotten over. It is time to let it go. My friend Blanco
Navarro once told me "I'd rather have my heart broken than to
never have known true love at all." Below is my visual illustration
of the risk and rewards of love.
Before you read this book any further you have to ask yourself the
following question. Is the pleasure of being in love worth the
possible pain of losing that love? If you say yes, congratulations.
You are in for a wonderfully fulfilling life. Read on.
If you say no, you need to evaluate how much pain not having love
brings you. If you are content being alone now, what about the
future? How much pain will being alone bring you in the next year,
five years, ten years? Visualize yourself on your death bed alone.
Realize how much pleasure you have missed because you weren't willing
to take the risk of being in love.
As you see that image, realize it is only one possible timeline
of your life. You can choose now to open up your heart and be
willing to love. When you choose love, the future becomes much
different. After making the decision, you see yourself one year,
five years, ten years down the road, in your happy home surrounded
by the person or people who love you. What color is this scene? That
is your color of love. Loving and being loved will make you happy
the rest of your life. As you now look back on your life, you
realize the decision to accept the risk of being in love brought
you so much more pleasure than it did pain, you would make the
same choice again. As you can see clearly from looking through
the eyes of your future self, deciding now to open your heart
is the decision which will bring you love and happiness the rest
of your life.
Finding Your Next Love
One of the most common complaints I hear is, "I can't find
anyone I like." Have your ever said that? Out of 4 billion
people on this planet, can you honestly say there isn't anyone
you like? If you say yes, you have one of two problems:
1) You have your eyes closed. In other words, you aren't noticing the prospects you meet on a daily basis. 2) You are
not letting the other 5.99999999 billion people know you are
available. In other words, you need to market yourself better.
- "Preparing Yourself For a New Romance"
How to Open Your Eyes
Somewhere in your subconscious mind, you have decided not to
give anyone else a chance. You may have hope, but not trust. I say trust because it takes trust to open up enough even to begin
a relationship. In handwriting analysis, trust and relationships
are revealed in the letter's lower zone loops. The smaller the
loop, the less the person trusts other people. If you are one
that has trouble attracting new people into your intimate life,
you may have the anti-social loop. That is, the lower case loop
that is very small and practically retraced. Since there is no
loop, it signifies very little trust. Therefore, you are closed
off to new relationships. Usually, I will find a small loop on
some letters and completely retraced on others. This variation
tells me there is hope. The writer probably trusts one or two
people, but intimacy is still an issue. This person probably
has been emotionally burned and is reluctant to open up again.
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If you have this trait, pay special attention to this section.
You cannot get involved in a new healthy relationship until you
begin to trust and have the courage to take the intimacy risk.
If you are saying to yourself, "I'll trust again when someone
proves to me they are worthy of my trust," then you will keep
talking to yourself, because you may never have a companion.
The mere fact that you don't trust people (have retraced lower
loops) sends out a non-verbal signal to all those around you that
you are not approachable. Believe me, those who might be interested
will detect this signal and avoid a relationship with you. Or
haven't you noticed? What you must do is change your way of
thinking so you begin to send out signals that you are approachable.
It is even possible your next relationship will be with someone you
already know, but you never before noticed the possibility of a
romance. Check to see if your "y's" are closed. You don't want
to overlook the obvious.
"Trust, but verify"...Ronald Reagan
Sometimes I refer to a stroke in handwriting as being synonymous
with a personality trait or behavior. The handwriting is not the
cause of the personality trait. Rather, the handwriting is merely
a symbol directed by your specific brain waves which is translated
into more specific neuro-muscular patterns revealing themselves in
handwriting. One way to consciously interrupt this communication
pattern is to change your handwriting. By changing the form of your
lower case y's and g's, you are interrupting that old pattern of not
trusting on a neurological level. Then, each time you notice yourself
writing a lower case y or g loop, you can change the way you and your
body react to the issue of trust. By removing that symbol of not
trusting (retraced lower loops) you reinforce all of your conscious
efforts to open up your subconscious mind to be prepared for a
relationship. This is actually a very effective behavioral
modification technique - changing specific handwriting strokes
to reinforce personality changes.
In this case, the way you write your lower zone letters helps
to symbolize your new personality which is becoming more open
to a new relationship. The size of the lower zone loops have a
direct correlation with intimacy and sex. The smaller the loop,
the less intimacy is being experienced. The longer the loop, the
stronger the sex drive or libido. Therefore, it is conceivable to
have an antisocial, aggressive, or loner-type person engage in sex,
but never allow intimacy to happen (a very long y without a normal
loop.) This is very sad because a healthy sex life includes a deep
level of intimacy with one's partner. Many men and women turn off
their emotions in the bedroom to avoid emotional pain. However,
this reduces the physical pleasure as well. Look for a healthy
lower loop for a healthy sex and intimate life.
"I would rather have my heart broken than to never
have known true love at all."
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Marketing Yourself
The previous section about lack of trust might not have applied
to you at all, yet you are still alone. Why? You may fall into
the second category of unsatisfied people. You are simply not
marketing yourself. You may be the type of person that isn't
choosing the wrong mates, but you are not doing any choosing at
all. It may seem that if you go out with anyone, it is because
they chose you. This limits your choices considerably. The quality
of your love life is at the mercy of whomever asks you out.
What if you shopped for food only by waiting for the delivery boy
to come by your house once a week? You asked what he had in his
bag this week. He tells you he has some prunes, lemons, garlic,
canned spinach, bacon, and a can of beans that Mrs. Smith upstairs
didn't want. What about the apples, the sliced turkey, the custard
pie you ordered? He says, "Sorry, it was bought by someone else
before I got to your door. If you want the pick of the market,
get up early and go down yourself. First come, first served."
You decline and decide to wait until he comes by next week in
hopes he will bring something you like. After all, you couldn't
actually get out of the house and go after what you want! Or
could you?
This is essentially the way many people approach new relationships.
They simply hope the perfect one will fall into their lap. Ha!
I have news for you. Even when you do get up early and go to the
market, you must squeeze four or five tomatoes before you find the ripe one!
If you are suffering from a lack of people to choose from in your
life then you probably have one of the following three personality
traits. By recognizing these in yourself, you can take steps toward
overcoming your self-imposed limitations.
- Self-Consciousness
This is a fear of disapproval from strangers / acquaintances. It is
a fear of being ridiculed or looking bad. This fear causes the person
to compare herself and fears not being good enough. She always feels
people are looking at her. Self-consciousness stops the initiative to
approach unknown people, leaving you lonely in the corner wishing you
had approached someone new. This is the fear which motivates some people
to say "I can only have fun when I am drunk." (See Trait
Dictionary in Appendix A.)
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Low Self-Esteem
Someone with a low self-image will have a fear of change. You may
not be happy where you are, or about who you are with, but you
don't want to change it and risk the possibility of making it
worse. Also, deep down inside you don't believe anyone would
really be attracted to you if they get to know the real you.
Some people with a low self-esteem do not believe they deserve
to be happy. (See Trait Dictionary in Appendix A.)
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Emotionally Withdrawn
Emotionally withdrawn people have a natural tendency not to
trust people or be expressive. Because emotional expression is
difficult, letting people get to know them is challenging. Since
this person is content to keep his thoughts inside, he lacks the
outgoing "market yourself" personality which would make people
notice him.
If you have one of the three personality traits described above,
recognize it and take steps to overcome the limitations they bring.
Notice I didn't include "shy" on the list. Shyness is a result of
unnecessary fears which probably include one or more of the three
traits listed above. Being shy is no excuse. Look at yourself
using trait names to put the shyness into perspective: you're scared!
The first step is to find someone without these traits to take you
out and force you to meet new people. The second step is watch for
it in your handwriting and change it. Each time you change the way
you write, it becomes a reinforcement that you are changing that
particular element of your personality!
You must get out and let
people know you are there. Businesses must advertise, why don't you?
You must market yourself. Remember the saying,"If you build a better
mousetrap, the world will beat a path to your door?" It is a lie!
You must market that mousetrap. People cannot choose you if they
do not know you exist.
One More Way to Market
Yourself
Since marketing yourself is one of the biggest obstacles to finding new
relationships, I designed a new way to utilize handwriting analysis to
help you meet new people. It was the invention of the Grapho-Deck®.
It is a deck of cards with different personality traits on each card.
It is like a deck of flash cards for personality. Anyone can use it to
analyze handwriting, anywhere. This is the perfect way to break the ice
with strangers. It is fun, simple, and accurate. All you have to do is
ask someone for his handwriting. The cards do all the work. I have met
hundreds of people this way, and started dozens of relationships! It has
been called the ultimate icebreaker. See the appendix for information
about how you can order a Grapho-Deck and appear like an expert today.
Ask And You Shall Receive
The world has a way of giving you exactly what you ask for.
Your subconscious mind is like a computer. When you input a
program, it will perform that program exactly. The key is to
be aware that you are always programming your internal computer.
Every doubt and fear has just as much an influence on your future
as your prayers. Your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference
between the two. If you send it a clear picture of something your
mind envisions, it makes it a reality, even if you are seeing
clearly what you don't want to happen. This has
been statistically
proven in real life cases involving victims of rape . A leading
New York university research team recently revealed, on average,
once a woman had been raped, she was three times as likely to be
raped again. Why? Partly because her mind replayed the event
repeatedly making the rape such a part of her reality that would
happen again. In addition, once her confidence is broken, a rapist
can spot her as an easier victim. Her entire physiology reacts
to the pictures she plays in her mind. She walks, stands, and
speaks with fear. This relates to you in many ways. If you want to have a relationship but you consistently see yourself alone or
in a bad relationship, your mind will create that reality. You
must visualize what you want, not what you don't want.
I've seen this happen many times in my life. I simply and
clearly instruct my subconscious mind as to what I want, what
to expect, and when it is going to happen. And as if by magic, it
happens. I've used this technique successfully with cars, friends,
money, etc. It usually comes from unexpected sources, chance
encounters, or luck. In other words, I didn't necessarily work
really hard and pay cash for it. Is it luck or chance? I don't
think so. My definition of luck is: preparation meeting opportunity.
So, make clear pictures in your mind of your future lifestyle with
a successful relationship.
Are you ready?
Now that you know how to overcome those fears of trust and any
reluctance to love, it is time to learn about your emotions in
more detail. There is someone out there, right now, waiting to
create a deep bio-electrochemical bond with you. Are you paying
attention? The next chapter will help you know when you have
found a lover who has the same electrical emotional outlay as
yourself. You don't want to fall in love with a 110 amp person
if your circuits are wired on 220.
| Buy the entire book now. Instant Download! |
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The Grapho-Deck -- The Flash Cards of Handwriting Analysis. Use them to instantly analyze handwriting wherever you go. Easy to understand trait definitions make them a great learning tool.
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