Curiosity and Mystery
One of the essences of romance is the concept of mystery. Do
you think the great Italian lovers ever charted out the evening
of lovemaking? One of the greatest thrills of a person's life
is not knowing whether the person he is attracted to likes him or
not. The anticipation of what might be makes the heart palpitate.
It is the predictable men in this world who make good accountants
but not great romantics. Also, women tend to be drawn to the untamable
male. Often, the more a man tends to be spontaneous, uncontrollable,
and strong, the more the woman yearns for his attention. Also, a
man who has a sense of mystery about him is very sexy -- much like
the modern day movie heroes Maverick (Tom Cruise) in Top Gun and
Riggs (Mel Gibson) in Lethal Weapon. They were unpredictable,
courageous, and mysterious. Most women would love to be swept
off their feet by a charming confident James Bond-Agent 007.
It is from the spirit of these great lovers and heroes that we
derive a conceptual formula for what makes a man romantic. These
rules apply to both men and women. If you are not perceived as a
romantic, ask yourself if you fit any or none of the following
characteristics of a romantic:
Spontaneous - - - Unpredictable - - - Sexy - - - Courageous
Strong - - - Passionate - - - In Demand - - - Independent
Untameable - - - Confident - - - Mysterious - - - Has a Purpose
One more trait which could be on the list is a "Sense of
urgency" or "Last chance". A man or woman is more likely to
feel romantic and give in to passion if he/she believes it may
be the last opportunity to do so. This is why vacations are
notoriously filled with flings and short romances. The lovers
know if they procrastinate, their desires will go unfulfilled.
Imagine telling a prospective lover, "You don't have to sleep
with me tonight. I'll be here tomorrow, the next day, and next
month waiting for you. There's no hurry." On the same token,
can you imagine a car salesman saying to you, "This is the lowest
price I can go. It is a great bargain! But, if you don't want
to buy right now, I will hold it for you indefinitely at this
low price!" It won't happen. Romance, like sales, takes advantage
of the urgency of the moment and the state of passion. Logic is
not a part of romance. This is why someone with a high degree of
logic, predictability, and self-centeredness is not very romantic.
The spontaneity of eloping in Las Vegas is romantic; a logical
pre-nuptial agreement is not.
Relationships and
Compatibility
Relationships are one of the most
popularly discussed and written about topics. Look at the covers
of magazines and tabloids, especially women's magazines. When
they put the word "sex" on the cover, sales increase. I'm not
sure who is worse, women or men. Women have sex and then want to
read more about it. Men have sex and want to look at pictures
when they're not having it! I suppose some people out there
don't have any sex at all and that must be the worst.
Psychology offers a rich source of information on relationships.
Research areas include mate selection, marital success, and
dysfunctional relationships. I will be brief in relating the
appropriate results of psychological research to your life.
Two helpful approaches regarding relationships are: 1) similarity
and 2) complementary.
The theory of similarity states that the more like a person you
are, the more likely you are to like each other. In other words,
the more similar another person is to you, the more likely you
are to choose him or her and to enjoy success in a relationship.
Think about the question, "What do we have in common?" Similarity
includes such factors as attractiveness, values, wealth, culture,
religion, education, and even geography. An example of such a
couple would be my friends Edward and Lori. They both are
conservative, religious, quiet, reserved, and kind. An analysis
of their handwriting reveals that they are both at the middle of
the road emotionally, each exhibits a good self-image, and both
are stubborn. Both of them have very similar basic dispositions.
Based on the similarity theory, their relationship has a higher
probability of long-term success.
Using neuro-analysis, you can identify individual personality
traits between two people and then predict their compatibility
from their writing. The most common example of incompatibility
is an extreme extrovert trying to date and relate to an introvert.
The extrovert openly expresses her feelings and requests that her
partner be emotionally expressive as well. The introvert, a person
who rarely expresses feelings, could go weeks without ever saying,
"I love you." Since the extrovert needs to give and
receive emotional
expression more often than the introvert, conflict arises. Thus,
it becomes a case of different emotional outlays giving rise to
relationship problems. Once identified and understood, the conflict
can be resolved using various techniques. Compatibility profiles
become much more complicated when all the traits are added together.
The second theory is complementary. One trait of one person
complements a strength or weakness of the other one. An example
of compatible personality traits are a very sensitive insecure
woman that dates a very expressive, talkative, generous man. He
constantly reassures her and tells her how much he approves of
her. Because she is happy receiving this kind of attention, she
works very hard to please him in return. Their two personalities
complement each other.
Here is another example that is quite common. A man with a highly
sarcastic tendency (sharp pointed t-bar), impulsiveness (hard right
hand slant) and a temper (t-bar on the right side of stem) would
hurt a woman with a high degree of sensitivity to criticism (large
looped d stem) and a low self-image (low t-bar) because she is
overly sensitive and he is overly caustic. Although he may feel
that he loves her, she will be walking around with her ego bruised
most of the time because his expressions of frustration are often
mean and caustic. If he would choose a girlfriend with a good
self-image, sarcasm, and a lack of sensitivity, she could fight
back and not be hurt as easily.
The problem with using these traditional psychological theories is
that it is difficult for you to pinpoint which personality traits
a prospective lover possesses. You could ask your next date to take
a 600 question written personality test, but that method has its
drawbacks. Traditional personality tests are impractical for you
and me to use. Some are accurate, but they are time consuming,
costly, and confusing. What you need is a fast, accurate, simple,
and covert method of analyzing each other's personalities. As you
now know, neuro-analysis is that method. Simply look at the
handwriting, ask a few questions, and observe. You will get the
answers you need.
Although it may seem complicated, it is actually quite simple once
you practice. You don't have to know about all the traits in
someone's personality. You don't need to be an expert on all
types of people. All you need to know is how to recognize the
personality traits that you want in a mate. Every time you meet
a potential mate, you look at his/her personality traits and compare
them to yours. If the next prospect you meet has two personalities,
lies pathologically, and is paranoid, you simply ask yourself if
those qualities will be compatible with your qualities. In this
case, I hope you say no. But, if you have two people living inside
of you, believe that the whole world is against you, and enjoy
making up lies for the fun of it.... you two probably have a lot
in common. I wish you the best of luck and the four of you should
be very happy together.
Therefore, just look at the individual traits of someone you are
interested in and ask yourself how similar or complementary they
are to your own. Yes, it's that simple. When you doubt how the
traits will reveal themselves in the context of your life, analyze
your past relationships. Did any of your ex's have certain traits
that drove you nuts? I know I've developed a list of specific
traits in other people I call "Hell Traits!" I'll share them with
you later in the book. Your list may be completely different. So
get out those old love letters and analyze those past mistakes for
a roadway to a better tomorrow!
Know Thyself
The first step to using neuro-analysis effectively in relationships
is to take an objective look at yourself. Are you insecure,
oversensitive, or afraid of being rejected? You need to know
these things about yourself. If you are oversensitive and
introverted, you do not want to get involved with an extroverted,
sarcastic, hate-filled person. Your ego would be crushed.
The easiest way to take inventory of your true personality is
to analyze your own handwriting. Simply look at your own handwriting
and compare it with the traits found in this book. You can also
use the information found in the Trait Dictionary or a Grapho-Deck®, if you have one. Discover those traits about
yourself that a partner would find attractive or repulsive. Check
out the trait dictionary and compare the results for a reality
check. Before looking at your own writing, how would you describe
yourself? You will take an inventory of your own perceptions
in a moment.
Be honest. Are you stubborn or domineering? Do you have to have
it your way? Are you a loner? Do you prefer to sit in your room
and read than be around people? Are you emotionally withdrawn,
sarcastic, vindictive, or mean? Are you generous, good at keeping
secrets, friendly, enjoy people, or optimistic? Are you ambitious
or confident?
Most people's perceptions of themselves vary slightly with reality.
Handwriting has always been a good reality check for me. I can't
tell you how many times I have looked down at my own handwriting
only to cover it up and hope no one was watching!
To make your personality list easy and painless, I have designed
a Personality Inventory in which you can just fill in the blanks.
This checklist is designed to outline what you think your personality
is like and what you want in a relationship. The instructions are
very simple. Check any box you feel applies to you or your ideal
mate. Check both boxes if it seems right to you. Be sure to
include both positive and negative traits. This will give you
an inventory of where your strengths and weaknesses lie. After
you have completed the Personality Inventory, make a written
list of your most prevalent traits and the traits you want in a
mate, as you chose in the inventory. Keep this list handy so
you will know what to look for when you start looking at handwriting
samples of prospective lovers.
When developing a profile of your ideal mate, attempt to structure
the list in individual traits, opposed to generalities of behavior.
Some men would like to say, "Uh, subservient, good cook, keeps her
mouth shut, good in bed, and serves me and the boys beer during the
football game!" (No, we won't have any of those vast chauvinistic
generalizations!) Instead, break those desires into traits. It
is perfectly okay to want a mate that can keep a house organized
and clean. In that case look for organizational ability and perfectionism. Be aware that you may be giving up the ability
to throw your jeans across the chair when you get home!
No matter what you want in an ideal mate, you are the real issue
in this game. The person you attract will only be a reflection
of who you are. If you are a loser, you will attract losers. If
you are an interesting, sincere, and neat person, once you begin
to use neuro-analysis effectively, you will attract more good
people like yourself.
Take a look at your own personality and decide what type of
person best suits your needs. Be objective. You also may need something completely different than you think you want. If you
are a weak, domineering, manipulative, violent scumbag that hits
women... you need a woman with a low self-image (low t-bar) and
a desire to be punished (pointed backward t-bar). That way,
your psychotic criminal behavior complements her insecure,
self-castigating weaknesses. (Sick, but true.)
Hopefully, that example doesn't apply to you. Take a good look at
yourself before you start looking at others. You might want a
strong person because you are passive. You might want someone
equally as strong as you. Make this distinction when filling out
the Personality Inventory. You may not know what you want.
Understanding what you need is a process. It takes practice,
learning, and fine-tuning. Use your imagination and best
judgement. Remember, you can always change your mind.
"The person you attract will be a reflection of who
you are." ...Bart A. Baggett
Much of this book is dedicated to understanding people so you
can avoid bad apples and recognize diamonds. However, I strongly
believe that you will (and always have) attract to you those
people that match your needs on some level or another. Therefore,
if you are not completely satisfied at the moment, you need to
evaluate carefully all your needs. So, get a writing utensil.
Find a place with few distractions. Complete the Personality
Inventory on the following pages. The box marked "Me" is your
own traits, "Mate" is for what you want in a mate.
- NOTE: Due to its size and copyright permissions, the Personality Inventory chartis not
included online here.
As you now realize the importance of discovering how
to find, attract and choose your perfect mate,
order your copy of The Book Here in PDF format
complete your own Personality Inventory checklist.
Analyzing the Results
Did you learn anything about yourself? Did you
learn anything about the type of person you want to settle down
with? Many people who take this Inventory see clearly the type
of personality that they dated in the past. When they understand
that type of personality leads to misery and failure, they decide
to choose a personality which works with their own. I am sure
you will do the same. Each trait listed has a corresponding
handwriting stroke to assist you in recognizing it in your next
romantic prospect. As you read through this book, look for the
strokes you have in your own writing as well as those your ideal
mate will have.
To make this easier, turn to Appendix B to find the Personality
Inventory Chart expanded to include the handwriting stroke which
identifies each trait. Therefore, you can use your completed
chart to create a list of your ideal traits and know what strokes
to look for in someone else's handwriting. It will make your
search for the perfect mate perfectly simple. Turn to the appendix
now.
| Continue to Page of Chapter 2
