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Change Your Life:

The Secrets to Making Love Happen!

"Preparing Yourself For a New Romance"

Chapter 2, Page 3 (Partial excerpt)

Marketing Yourself
The previous section about lack of trust might not have applied to you at all, yet you are still alone. Why? You may fall into the second category of unsatisfied people. You are simply not marketing yourself. You may be the type of person that isn't choosing the wrong mates, but you are not doing any choosing at all. It may seem that if you go out with anyone, it is because they chose you. This limits your choices considerably. The quality of your love life is at the mercy of whomever asks you out.

What if you shopped for food only by waiting for the delivery boy to come by your house once a week? You asked what he had in his bag this week. He tells you he has some prunes, lemons, garlic, canned spinach, bacon, and a can of beans that Mrs. Smith upstairs didn't want. What about the apples, the sliced turkey, the custard pie you ordered? He says, "Sorry, it was bought by someone else before I got to your door. If you want the pick of the market, get up early and go down yourself. First come, first served." You decline and decide to wait until he comes by next week in hopes he will bring something you like. After all, you couldn't actually get out of the house and go after what you want! Or could you?

This is essentially the way many people approach new relationships. They simply hope the perfect one will fall into their lap. Ha! I have news for you. Even when you do get up early and go to the market, you must squeeze four or five tomatoes before you find the ripe one!

If you are suffering from a lack of people to choose from in your life then you probably have one of the following three personality traits. By recognizing these in yourself, you can take steps toward overcoming your self-imposed limitations.

  1. Self-Consciousness
    This is a fear of disapproval from strangers / acquaintances. It is a fear of being ridiculed or looking bad. This fear causes the person to compare herself and fears not being good enough. She always feels people are looking at her. Self-consciousness stops the initiative to approach unknown people, leaving you lonely in the corner wishing you had approached someone new. This is the fear which motivates some people to say "I can only have fun when I am drunk." (See Trait Dictionary in Appendix A.)

  2. Low Self-Esteem
    Someone with a low self-image will have a fear of change. You may not be happy where you are, or about who you are with, but you don't want to change it and risk the possibility of making it worse. Also, deep down inside you don't believe anyone would really be attracted to you if they get to know the real you. Some people with a low self-esteem do not believe they deserve to be happy. (See Trait Dictionary in Appendix A.)

  3. Emotionally Withdrawn
    Emotionally withdrawn people have a natural tendency not to trust people or be expressive. Because emotional expression is difficult, letting people get to know them is challenging. Since this person is content to keep his thoughts inside, he lacks the outgoing "market yourself" personality which would make people notice him.

If you have one of the three personality traits described above, recognize it and take steps to overcome the limitations they bring. Notice I didn't include "shy" on the list. Shyness is a result of unnecessary fears which probably include one or more of the three traits listed above. Being shy is no excuse. Look at yourself using trait names to put the shyness into perspective: you're scared!

The first step is to find someone without these traits to take you out and force you to meet new people. The second step is watch for it in your handwriting and change it. Each time you change the way you write, it becomes a reinforcement that you are changing that particular element of your personality!

You must get out and let people know you are there. Businesses must advertise, why don't you? You must market yourself. Remember the saying,"If you build a better mousetrap, the world will beat a path to your door?" It is a lie! You must market that mousetrap. People cannot choose you if they do not know you exist.

One More Way to Market Yourself
Since marketing yourself is one of the biggest obstacles to finding new relationships, I designed a new way to utilize handwriting analysis to help you meet new people. It was the invention of the Grapho-Deck®. It is a deck of cards with different personality traits on each card. It is like a deck of flash cards for personality. Anyone can use it to analyze handwriting, anywhere. This is the perfect way to break the ice with strangers. It is fun, simple, and accurate. All you have to do is ask someone for his handwriting. The cards do all the work. I have met hundreds of people this way, and started dozens of relationships! It has been called the ultimate icebreaker. See the appendix for information about how you can order a Grapho-Deck and appear like an expert today.

Ask And You Shall Receive
The world has a way of giving you exactly what you ask for. Your subconscious mind is like a computer. When you input a program, it will perform that program exactly. The key is to be aware that you are always programming your internal computer. Every doubt and fear has just as much an influence on your future as your prayers. Your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between the two. If you send it a clear picture of something your mind envisions, it makes it a reality, even if you are seeing clearly what you don't want to happen. This has been statistically proven in real life cases involving victims of rape . A leading New York university research team recently revealed, on average, once a woman had been raped, she was three times as likely to be raped again. Why? Partly because her mind replayed the event repeatedly making the rape such a part of her reality that would happen again. In addition, once her confidence is broken, a rapist can spot her as an easier victim. Her entire physiology reacts to the pictures she plays in her mind. She walks, stands, and speaks with fear. This relates to you in many ways. If you want to have a relationship but you consistently see yourself alone or in a bad relationship, your mind will create that reality. You must visualize what you want, not what you don't want.

I've seen this happen many times in my life. I simply and clearly instruct my subconscious mind as to what I want, what to expect, and when it is going to happen. And as if by magic, it happens. I've used this technique successfully with cars, friends, money, etc. It usually comes from unexpected sources, chance encounters, or luck. In other words, I didn't necessarily work really hard and pay cash for it. Is it luck or chance? I don't think so. My definition of luck is: preparation meeting opportunity. So, make clear pictures in your mind of your future lifestyle with a successful relationship.

The Dog Theory
I have a fun theory about a sure-fire way to change someone's relationship patterns. There are many solutions to relationship problems outlined in this book. Therapists have a hundred and one different ways to help you overcome your relationship barriers. My dog theory is the simplest of any cure out there. It goes something like this:

The Problem: You can't seem to get involved in a new relationship.
Solution: Buy a dog.

That's right. Buy a dog. Now, if you were to actually go out and purchase a puppy right now, you could learn a few valuable lessons about relationships. Let's analyze this example. As we grow older, our bodies and mind adjust to whatever environment we are in. We become comfortable with what we have. We may not be happy, but we get by. If a person has lived for a while without a serious relationship in his life the person's mind, body, and environment have become accustomed to being alone. Therefore, what he must do is stir up his environment and his mind. We must force him to step out of his comfort zone and learn some new tricks. Until the unconscious conditioning changes from alone to together, he will never be ready to accept a relationship even if one is standing on his doorstep wagging its tail, panting, and flashing its big brown droopy eyes.

In handwriting we see this visually in the retraced lower loops. In order for someone to trust another, there must be imagination (loops) inside the relationship area (lower zone). This relates to the puppy pal relationship in many specific psychological ways.

When you get a dog, we'll call it Poochi, you must do the following to make the relationship work*:

  1. Give Poochi a place to stay in your home.
  2. Spend money for food, collar, tags, etc.
  3. Feed it on a regular basis.
    (Which means you can't go away for weeks at a time like you did in your swinging single days!)
  4. Let Poochi inside so it doesn't get lonely and cry at the door.
  5. Pay the vet big bills so Poochi isn't sick.
  6. Take Poochi places, like for a walk in the park.
  7. Clean up the crap in the middle of the living room floor.
  8. Avoid kicking the crap out of Poochi when he does #7.
    (This hurts the dog, your foot, and means more crap for you to clean up!)
  9. You must learn to forgive Poochi for #7 and still love him.
  10. You must learn to forgive yourself for breaking rule #8.
*(It is purely coincidental if any of these things relate to a romantic relationship.)

If all this sounds like a real responsibility, it is. In fact, it could change your entire daily routine. It may even open a part of your "loner" psychological makeup to start allowing love for someone else besides yourself. This is the key. Once you take on the responsibility of a new dog, change your routine, and show affection for the puppy, you will notice your heart will be ready for a human to fill in the gap which has just developed in your "y's"! Of course, you don't have to go through all the crap cleaning hassles to learn this lesson, but hey, some of us are slow learners!

After presenting my theory to many experts in the field, they agreed it was most ingenious. However, they proposed the following scenario:

The Problem: What if you already have a dog?
My Solution: Get rid of the dog.
Reason: If you a have dog, you have developed a routine around having that relationship. When you get rid of it, you leave a vacant space in your heart that will have to be filled. Hopefully a person will fill the hole in your heart, and if you are lucky maybe that person will already have a dog!

I'm not suggesting you go out right now and buy a cute little puppy dog, but I should also mention taking a puppy into a public place is the second best way ever developed to meet people (the first is the Grapho-Deck®). They come running to pet your puppy. It's amazing. (When I was in high school I used to borrow a friend's puppy or my neighbor's baby just to pick up girls in the mall. It worked! Pet-sit for a day, check out the attention you get.)

Are you ready?
Now that you know how to overcome those fears of trust and any reluctance to love, it is time to learn about your emotions in more detail. There is someone out there, right now, waiting to create a deep bio-electrochemical bond with you. Are you paying attention? The next chapter will help you know when you have found a lover who has the same electrical emotional outlay as yourself. You don't want to fall in love with a 110 amp person if your circuits are wired on 220.

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