What is it
that makes some lucky couples have chemistry and others have no spark?
Let's face it, the great romances of history were not based on intellectual stimuli. In fact, the proverbial sweeping her off her feet is more often done with a sultry glance than a loquacious dialogue. Instead of studying what you are saying, look at how you are saying it.
Have you ever gone dancing and ended up falling in love on the dance floor? I have. What happens on a dance floor is a fast-paced version of what happens when two people connect over time. The beat of the music paces both of you so your bodies display the same movement, rhythm, and even breathing patterns. (Sounds like good sex, right?) When this happens, you may find yourself thinking, "He sure is a good dancer!" You think he's a good dancer because he is doing just what you are doing. At the end of the song, or two songs, your body language has decided that you two go together like peanut butter and jelly. If you stop to ask your mind why, you couldn't explain it. It's just... chemistry.
Now onto rapport. What is rapport?
Rapport is the ability to enter someone else's world and make them feel you understand them. Chemistry is rapport with a splash of sex.
Overall, who is attractive to you? What kind of people do you enjoy spending time with? Is it someone who disagrees with you on everything, has totally different beliefs and values, and who dislikes doing the things you love to do? Of course not. We want to be with people who are like us and yet unique. We want to be with people with whom we share a common bond.
There is some truth to the phrase, "opposites attract." The elements of difference add excitement, but without a foundation of commonality, the attraction soon fades.
Studies have proven that only 7 percent of what is communicated between people is transmitted through words. Thirty eight percent of communication comes through the tone of voice. Remember your Mom calling your name in that tone of voice-you knew you were in trouble, didn't you? No other words were needed. Fifty five percent of communication, the largest part, is transmitted through physiology, meaning body language: facial expressions, gestures, and other non-verbal body movements. Did your dad have a certain "You're in deep trouble now" look? His mouth tensed up and his eyes cut through you like knives. He didn't have to say a word, but you knew you were grounded for life. Luckily, through the ever expanding field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming you can learn to utilize this unspoken language to influence all aspects of your own and other's behavior. (This is so much more than body language...it come from cognitive psychology and hypnosis. Some people say it is unfair to use NLP or hypnosis to create seductive state. Read this if you feel it is okay.)
If we try to develop rapport just by using words and the content of our conversation, we are only using only 7 percent of our capacity to communicate. That makes us look pretty ignorant when you remember scientists already say that we use less than 10% of our brain capacity! It makes me feel a little more competent since I know how to communicate using more than just words. However, the scientists never told me how to gain access to the other 90% of my brain! Don't despair, the following will show you how to gain access to the lost 93% of your communication style. As far as your brain... that's up to you.
The vast majority of communication or impressions of people are a result of things that you unconsciously notice. You have the ability to communicate with someone's subconscious mind without their even knowing it. The following pages explain a very powerful technique to get rapport with almost anyone, even difficult people. While words work on the conscious mind, pacing, matching and mirroring tonality and physiology works on the unconscious mind. When done properly, their brain will be thinking "Hey, this person is just like me. He must be okay!" Once this happens, there is a bond-rapport. Of course, rapport is essential when your intentions are romantic. However, it is just as important in all of your other relationships too. Imagine if everyone you met in business felt that comfortable trusting connection? Do you think you could be more influential? The following story illustrates just how I used this in business.
How I Gained Rapport
with a Harley-Riding Cowboy
I immediately took off my tie and jacket and put on my best "good-ole-boy Texas accent." By the time we toured the factory, he had given me a good idea of the price my Grapho-Decks would cost. However, that was just the beginning. We decided to go to lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. I ordered the same thing as he did and totally mirrored the guy in every detail. Every time he took a sip, I took a sip. We talked about Harley-Davidsons and drank beer. When he leaned back, I leaned back. When his voice went soft, mine went soft. When he tilted his head, I tilted my head. Toward the end of the meal, he stopped in mid-sentence and said, "Bart, it seems like I've known you for years. Some people are like business acquaintances. I feel like you're a real friend." After he said that, I knew it was just a matter of time until he gave me the best price in town on my Grapho-Decks. In fact, not only did I get a great price, I left with two posters and 15 decks of cards for my friends. This stuff works like magic. Imagine how effective this is in a romantic situation.
They Will Only Notice How Much They
The entire audience laughed hysterically and the guy from New York sat there with a dumb look on his face. Then, a man in a cowboy hat raised his hand and asked sincerely in a slow Southern drawl, "Yer tell'n meee, he didn't even know you was makin fun of 'em?" I said in the same accent, slow pace and tonality, "Yer ab-soooo-lutely right,sir. He didn't haf the faww-giest I-dear." The cowboy looked at me a bit confused as the entire audience laughed hysterically. It was obvious to onlookers what I was doing, but not to the people I was mirroring. You don't have to go to that extreme; I was making a point. But realize using your rapport skills effectively, you are communicating positive feelings directly to someone's unconscious mind. By using your voice effectively, you can pace without mimicking, but match as closely as possible the tone and tempo of the person you are talking with, and greatly enhance rapport.
You Now Know How To Create Rapport
This article is an excerpt from chapter six of Bart Baggett's The Secrets To Making Love Happen! The subject of creating chemistry and falling in love is an ongoing field of research . The sophisticated techniques taught by Bart Baggett will create dramatic and lasting states of attraction almost instantly. If you find yourself wondering how to learn more about using NLP to create chemistry, and supercharge all your relationships, please read about the new The Secrets to Creating Chemistry Home Study Course that literally guides you through the processes of influencing others at the subconscious level in a positive way!
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